The 3rd Annual Nigerian Email Conference

“Write better emails. Make more moneys.”
3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference
In case you wondered whether this was an organized conspiracy…

Preliminary* List of Events
As in the past, this conference has something for everyone. You will hear presentations by
some of the world’s leading Nigerian Email businessmen and businesswomen.

Following are just a few of the many events that are scheduled.

Breakfast Kickoff Session:
Your choice: A hard boiled egg, or two slices of white bread and a cricket.

Keynote Address:
Dr. Hamza Kalu’s adds some historical perspective in his keynote address: “From Postal Scams To Email Scams: We Have Come a Long Way Infant Child.”

Debate:
Attend a lively debate between Lady Mariam Abacha and Mr. Godwin Oyathelem. Topic: “The effectiveness of using all UPPERCASE characters.”

Practical Discussion:
Mallam Mahmud Abacah answers the question, “Are 10 million emails a day too many?”
* The actual schedule of events and participants depends on various trial outcomes and extradition hearings.

Hahahaha.

via Cut to Cure

Competition:
Other countries are now adapting our business. Is this a threat or an opportunity?

Tech Session:
Mrs. M Sese-Seko reveals valuable secrets in her session titled, “Those Pesky Email Headers”

Commerce:
Find out how banking systems throughout the world operate — with special emphasis on money transfers.

Linguistics:
Damn, spam, scam, sham. And more rhymes in the “sticks and stones” category.

Telecommunications:
Soliciting via cell phone text messaging: Can it work?

Accounting:
The taxman he’s a comin’: Keeping good and accurate records.

Open Discussion:
We will resume last year’s high-spirited discussion of unionization, including health benefits.

Workshop:
Grammatical errors: What’s the optimal number?

Statistics:
Dr. Kayode Naiyeju presents his ground-breaking research: “Analyzing response rates using analysis of variance: That pesky R-squared value,” as published in The Nigerian Journal of Applied Statistics.

Economics:
A round table discussion: Is email now Nigeria’s top export?

For Newcomers:
View an entertaining PowerPoint presentation that describes how to get started in this lucrative business, with no initial investment!

Hand-on Session:
Experts critique your emails, and offer valuable tips.