First, read WTTW I, then add the following:
When the doc has the stethoscope in his ears, that’s not the time to add critical bits of history. And that’s never the time to add worthless bits of history.
We don’t have samples in the ER. The few times we do, the docs and the staff take them home way before you ask.
“I came because I couldn’t afford my prescriptions” is heard as “You work for free, so I came here”.
“I have medicaid” is heard as “You can buy it for me”.
Ladies, we know you don’t like pelvic exams. Your doc has already performed more than they ever wanted to, and there’s another 20 years to go until retirement. Try not to make it any harder on either of us. Ditto men; see also, prostate exam.
We realize you’ve both talked at the same time/over each other your entire lives together, but that’s a little hard to follow for a medical history. Take turns.
The Emergency Room is not a substitute for your primary doctor. Chant that, it’s a mantra. There might be a test, you should study.
It’s going to hurt. If you have to ask, it’s probably going to hurt a lot. I can add up the painless procedures on the fingers of one hand. Life, especially in the ED, involves pain.
Time, especially time in the ED, is relative. What takes us up to three hours to do in the ED could easily be done as an outpatient in about 5 days. Try not to gripe about the time spent.
Nurses are your friends. Don’t piss them off. Trust me.