Best Chief Complaint of the Day

"The daddy of my sister’s baby hit me.  Oh, and I want to be checked for chlamydia."

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.


  1. How about “I called an ambulance from work to take me here, but I waited in the waiting room for so long, I forgot what was wrong with me”, followed by “can I have a work note so I don’t have to go back tomorrow?”

  2. Checked where? At the bite mark?
    Sounds like more than biting was going on.

  3. I have an even better one for you:

    ?I accidentally sat down on a pill bottle and it is stuck in my rectum.?

  4. Years ago as a paramedic responding to a respiratory distress call I arrived to hear “I have a hair in my throat”.

  5. Everytime I hear the words “baby’s daddy” I feel society crumble just a bit more…

  6. My personal best? The 86 y/o man whom I admitted last month whose CC was, and I quote, “F*ck you! Go away!”

    Yeah, I put it into the chart. I figured the intern who’d be picking up the patient ought to know the full story. :^)

  7. Only in Texas?? We can hope :)

  8. Why did he hit you??? Did you tell your sister?