Ramblings of an Emergency Physician in Texas

Archive for the 'Humorous' Category

Zippy the Lobster travels to the Bahamas

Posted by GruntDoc on 27th January 2009

I was pleased to be Zippy’s caretaker when we went to the Bahamas for a medical conference (background on Zippy Here).

I’ve made a pictorial essay on the travels and travails of Zippy the Lobster:

 

Also, recall what Zippy’s trying to do, raise awareness (and coff money coff) for childrens’ brain cancer research.  So, if you feel the urge, go over there and give a little.

Posted in Amusements, Humorous, Travel, Zippy | 10 Comments »

Growing our own…

Posted by GruntDoc on 24th December 2008

This was sent by one of our nurses (and a frequent commenter) with her title “Growing our own Nurses”.

our_own_rns.jpg

When she originally showed it to me, she said this is how to treat doctors: the pacifier does the trick.

I’m not saying she’s wrong…

Posted in Humorous, Medical, Nursing | 1 Comment »

Fish Pedicure Is Now an Outlaw in Texas – Medgadget

Posted by GruntDoc on 16th October 2008

Fish Pedicure Is Now an Outlaw in Texas – Medgadget – www.medgadget.com
We have terrible news to report. “Fish pedicures” or “doctor fish” procedures that we reported on back in August, have now been banned in at least two states. Washington and Texas are unhappy with the communal insertions of stinky feet into aquariums primarily for sanitary reasons.

While I was not in the target market for this, I’m a little surprised.

GruntDoc: bringing the tough news.  via Medgadget.

Posted in Humorous | 3 Comments »

Caption Contest: We have a winner!

Posted by GruntDoc on 6th October 2008

I asked you to give me a caption to this photo, and we have a winner:

Joel Goldberg, MD Grand Rapids, MI

“North Carolina Prescription Drug Plan” by Doc

Honorable Mentions:

SkyDaddy with “I can haz oxygen?”

Warriorpear with “Doc, I had to smoke 400 packs in order to get enough points for my Winston Med Case… man, but was it worth it?!”

Ian Furst with “More doctors choose Winston”

Doc gets to place the unwanted coveted “Caption Contest Winner” logo on his blog.

gruntdoccaptioncontestwinner

You delivered, BTW: 47 comments (not all were captions, but they’re all welcome).  Thanks for playing.  We’ll have another one when I have a suitable picture.

Posted in Amusements, Announcements, Humorous | 3 Comments »

Naughty Radiology Tech

Posted by valjonesmd on 27th September 2008

Well, I learn something new every day from blogging. Thanks to TBTAM for the wart therapy tip: pregnancy can cure warts? I’m not sure if I’m THAT desperate yet. And what would I say to my child – yeah, daddy and I didn’t really want to have a kid, we just wanted to cure our plantar wart? Lol.

Here’s an ER themed cartoon for you trauma folks. Enjoy!

Posted in Amusements, Dr. Val, Guest, Humorous | 4 Comments »

A Wart And The “Keys To The Kingdom”

Posted by valjonesmd on 24th September 2008

As many of my close followers know, I’m “in between blogs” at the moment. My new website has not launched yet, so I’ve asked a few close friends if I could guest-blog at their sites until further notice. Dear Grunt Doc actually offered me a password and authority to post directly to his blog. Now that’s trusting! I mean, I could fill up his site with LOLcats posts if I wanted.

A few blog-hijacking fantasies later, I decided to ask myself – “What sort of content would be appropriate to contribute to an Emergency Medicine blog?” The answer, of course, is “real photos of anything gross.”

And as luck would have it, I do have a nice photo of something gross (albeit mildly so). Even better, it’s my own grossness so there’s no HIPAA violation looming. What is it? Well, it’s the sadistic work of a dermatologist. (By the way, dermatologists have the best photo galleries of really gory conditions).

Let me explain.

You know how every once in a while in life you think, “Gee, this is a really bad idea” but then you go ahead with it anyway? That happened to me 7 years ago. I had accompanied a friend to a hair salon in Rochester, New York. And since the process of having her hair colored would take about 2 hours, I figured I’d find something to amuse myself. The salon offered manicures and pedicures. So I opted for a pedicure.

A little voice inside me said, “Is it hygienic to do a pedicure in a plastic tub with tools that don’t look as if they’ve been sterilized?” But then I figured, “it’ll be fine.”

A few weeks later I noticed a plantar wart on the heel of my foot. “Crap. I guess I’ll just go and have my PCP freeze it off.” Sounds easy enough – but 7 years later I have to tell you that this wart virus is still alive and kicking. Here’s what I’ve hit it with:

Liquid nitrogen Q month x 24 months, salicylic acid pads QD x 12 months, duct tape, OTC wart spray, podofilox topical solution, aldara cream (costs $500/3 month supply), bleomycin injection (that’s the chemo that can cause pulmonary fibrosis), and now blistering acid solution.

I had the “blistering acid” applied yesterday. And it’s 4:30 am and I was awoken by a sharp pain in my foot. So I got up and saw – you guessed it – blood blisters on the bottom of my foot. Yum! Not to be outdone by Paul Levy, I snapped a photo for Grunt Doc’s blog, feeling very satisfied with my contribution.

Here it is:

What on earth is the moral of this story? Ladies (and a few gents), if you have any doubt about the hygiene practices of your local nail salon – do NOT override your instincts. Just remember my story, and how I discovered the virus that will survive a nuclear war. If this series of blistering acid treatments doesn’t do the trick, I’m coming to GD’s ER for a wide excisional biopsy. God bless EMTALA.

P.S. If the injury site begins to look really gross, I’ll snap you another photo!

Posted in Amusements, Guest, Humorous, Medical | 8 Comments »

What a junk comment looks like: A Warning to Comment Trolls

Posted by GruntDoc on 2nd September 2008

This blog was just graced with an awesome comment, and I didn’t want anyone to miss it.

The piercing insight into the post, the added information for us all to share, the affirmation of the central thesis, the rebuttal of other less well-thought-out details, it is, in fact, the best blog comment eveah:

New comment on your post #2783 “Tundra Medicine Dreams: Moving. Ugh.”
Author : David Zahaluk, MD (IP: 68.94.179.235 , adsl-68-94-179-235.dsl.rcsntx.swbell.net)
E-mail : Zahaluk@

URI    : http://www.UltimatePracticeBuilder.com
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.94.179.235
Comment:
Great job!  We physicians need to keep connected and you have moved the conversation forward.  But why are there so few blogs concerning the business of running a practice?  That’s why I started my blog at www.UltimatPracticeBuilder.com.  I hope I live up to the high standards you have set.
David Zahaluk, MD
Founder MIP Practice PerformanceYou can see all comments on this post here:
http://gruntdoc.com/2008/08/tundra-medicine-dreams-moving-ugh.html#comments

Oh, wait, that’s not what it was, at all.  It was shameless self promotion from someone too lazy to write and ask for a link (which I usually do), and so clueless he thinks dumping this stinking fish in my comments was both warranted and acceptable.  Doofus.
 
Every blogger gets this kinda junk, and I will typically delete it and and the idiot, but I’m tired of it.
 
So, Kudos to you, David Zahaluk, MD!  Yours is a message constrained by neither decency nor taste, and now you get the full, front-page treatment you knew you deserved all along, but were too shy/arrogant/presumptuous to ask for!  Congratulations!
 
(In his defense, he probably thought this was an abandoned blog given my recent posting frequency, making this more of a cynical, take-advantage-of-a-dead-blog for a Google rank / Technorati page rank thing.)
 
Holy Crap!  It’s a gift that keeps on giving!  While composing this, I got the following update comment:
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.94.179.235
Comment:
Sorry, I misquoted my blog address.  It’s actually http://www.ultimatepracticebuilder.com/###/blog.php for those who share my interest in practice building.

Thanks,

David

So, not just all of the above, but an incompetent linker, to boot.  Wow.  When I though it couldn’t get better…
 

(Yes, I’m aware of the irony that this will give the comment dumper more attention than he’d get otherwise, but it’s worth it for the satisfaction of getting this off my chest.  And, yes, I went ahead and banned him anyway).

Holy Crap2! The link takes you to some admin page, so I’ve had to modify it somewhat to assuage my conscience. Check his ‘blog’ link, though, so you won’t miss the credit card spam there since August 17th (I have a screen cap).

Posted in Humorous, Weblogs | 8 Comments »

HHS Secretary Pats Self on Back for Having a Blog

Posted by GruntDoc on 31st July 2008

As quoted in Congressional Quarterly:

The ever-evolving blogosphere is now helping to shape the health policy debate by allowing more interaction between the public and policy makers, said Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Michael O. Leavitt , a blogger himself.

Leavitt, who launched his blog on the HHS Web site in August 2007, said his entries follow a range of topics, from day-to-day experiences, to his thoughts and decisions surrounding health care issues and policies.

People can post comments on his blog, which Leavitt said has provided valuable information.

“There have been times when someone has made an argument to me that I found compelling that I am sure began to mold and shape my thinking,” he said during a Kaiser Family Foundation event Tuesday.

Blogging can be a “very powerful engine for public policy setting,” he added, citing a recent HHS blog established to advance a summit on pandemic flu. He said the pandemic flu blog was a “wild success” in terms of being able to communicate with active “flubies” on the issue.

Note, this appointed Bureaucrats’ evidence of the power of medical blogging is that he has a blog and that people can leave comments.  That’s laughable on its face, and the hubris underlying is truly impressive.

Any evidence he’s read any other medical blog?  No.  None.

This is unimpressive by any standard.  Emarrasing, really.

Posted in Humorous, Medical, Rants | 3 Comments »

How I Nearly Killed Myself

Posted by GruntDoc on 21st May 2008

I teased this recently, and said I’d tell the tale. I have told it several times in my life, and still feel stupid while doing so, but maybe if I tell it here I’ll keep someone from doing themselves in. It can be a cautionary tale for others, and it’s a mystery to me why I wasn’t taken to meet my maker that night.

It’s 1988 or so, I’m getting a Masters’ degree (because getting a real job is too stultifying, and school I’m good at). My degree is in Life Science (biology) but my meager student income flows from being a paid lab rat for the Organic Chem department. (Those with significant O-chem experience are already cringing: keep reading, it’s worse than you think). The Professor I worked for was developing a new synthesis of a known structure, and my job was to make it happen. I was not the brains of this operation.

I was, however, the guy who was reasonably good with bench chemistry (in the day, I’d be lost now) and could be trusted to follow instructions and get to get a multi-step process right, over and over. As I’d been doing this for about a year, I was both trusted in the lab and overconfident in my abilities. (For fun, keep track of the safety lapses that follow).

Friday night, alone in the lab; I’ve gotten comfortable using ether as my solvent for this operation and it’s about 8:30 PM in a completely abandoned lab on the 4th (top) floor of a very empty building. The research lab is a room in the back: 8 feet wide, 12 feet long, with a door on one end, a hood on the other end, and a sink on the counter that runs from one end to the other on one side. The hood never turns off (and it’s good to have it on for ventilation in the little room anyway), the sink is important because it’s the source of suction for my major colleague in chemistry, above it being 2.5 gallon carboys of deionized water and acetone (both used to clean glassware). The shelves over the bench are covered with the typical assortment of obscure reagents, there’s paper stacked neatly on the bench. Oh, and there’s a Farrah poster on the back wall held up with black string from the drop-ceiling metal. It’s not mine, but it makes for something more fun to look at than brown gooey chemicals.

The sink suction was necessary to help my Rotovap work (have a look; it’s astonishingly ingenious) and is light-years better than the standard O-chem distillers. It can do in minutes what would take an hour in a regular, non-suction distilled evaporator, which is why I used it. Running water across a venturi makes a nice vacuum, the whole reagent end of the business spins, the diluent comes off like a shot, what’s not to like?

I’d discovered ether came off very quickly, unless it came off so quickly the reagent vessel started to frost over, then it finished very slowly. Being a problem solver the answer was easy: heat it (gently) with a shallow vessel of water on a hot plate.

That was what I was doing, standing rather dumbly in front of a rotovap doing its thing, wishing it would hurry up, when the ground glass joint holding my experiment to the machine popped off. Reagent and ether diluent bubbling into the hot water, I started to curse, seeing 8 hours of work being hydrolyzed.

That’s when the hot plate clicked on and the room instantly burst into flame. The entire countertop from door to hood was a fireball, to the ceiling, and over the top. I sensed more than recognized the fire was rolling over my head; the heat flash was impressive, and not really appreciated until later. Heat, light, and a flight reflex I’ve never had before or since: this is hard-wired, required no input from me, and maybe saved my life.

I ran. I ran faster than I have before or since. Carl Lewis could not have caught me for the next 200 feet, running through the hall to the stairs at the end. Some rationality returned at the doors, and I thought, then said aloud to no one, “I just set the lab on fire”, my legs carrying me back to the scene of my crime against chemistry and safety.

Fire extinguishers are ubiquitous in chem labs, so I got one reflexively on my way to the little room where I’d nearly bought it, but was much more worried about burning the building down at the time. There was a fire in the water under the rotovap, and one short shot of the extinguisher put it out nicely. The paper on the end of the counter was aflame, and the fire extinguisher shot made them into a thousand burning embers flying through the air independently. Phoo.

I’d started to tremble a bit, and realized I should get help, just in case. I walked out to our dedicated hotline to the security department, picked it up and declared the following: “I’m GruntDoc, I’ve just had an explosion and fire in the chemistry lab. The fire is out but I think I need some help”, and hung up. (I found out later I scared years off the dispatcher, who called the University Policeman on duty).

The University Officer I’d been a Boy Scout with, and he said when he got up the stairs my hair was still smoldering. That’s when I took stock, and found that, indeed, the hair on the top of my head had been pretty well singed, but no other injuries. We looked around a bit, decided the building wouldn’t burn down tonight, and he left me to clean up.

While rectifying my mistake I found the following: little burned pieces of filter paper are harder to clean up than you’d think, the rotovap knob was fused to the machine body, the plumbing insulation overhead was burned, and Farrah’s strings had burned through, dumping her unceremoniously onto the floor. Then I looked at the 2.5 gallons of Acetone, and wondered why it hadn’t ignited. If it had, in that confined space, I would have been horribly burned at best, most likely I’d have been killed.

I really think there was a divine intervention for me that night. I wonder why: is there a Big Moment for me someday, or was it just pity for being so stupid all at once? I’ll never know for sure. I hope.

That many safety errors are a firing offense, so I expected at least that, and maybe to expelled on Monday when the Prof got back. I went in prepared for the worst, and got the following: ‘Did you learn something?’ Yes. ‘Still want to work?’. Yes. ‘Okay.’ I finished the project, the degree, and went on to bigger and better things.

I hope I wasn’t spared just to blog. That’d be silly.

Update:

What GruntDoc forgot to include, is my involvement in this escapade, one of our BIG encounters.

I was a Lab tech at said University, and had been somewhere, dressed up and anyway, I was wearing a skirt and blouse that fateful day.  Very unusual for me to be dressed up.

Had a call from University police that there had been a fire in the lab.  I went up to the school and set out our big fans, to vent out the place.

I had a few comments from the staff, mostly the cop’s but including the stressed out dispatcher, that I looked like a girl.   I usually wore jeans and a tee shirt to work.

GruntDoc had been in my office many a time to reorder centrifuge tubes, to this day, I don’t know how he broke so many tubes or if he claimed them broken so he could come to my desk to reorder…anyway…

At any rate, that was my first real lasting impression of the GruntDoc.   Fire,.. Farrah burnt to a crisp and how mad would Dr. Rob… on Monday?    GD was right, Dr Rob..wasn’t that mad,

I didn’t get a raise for going above and beyond the call of duty, but I did finally marry the hero of the story.

Posted in Amusements, Family, Humorous | 15 Comments »

Twas The Blog Before Christmas « Ten out of Ten

Posted by GruntDoc on 23rd December 2007

Twas The Blog Before Christmas « Ten out of Ten

The Night Before Christmas, medblogger-style. I get to be the Patriarch. Heh.

Posted in Humorous, Medical | 1 Comment »

Texas Top Ten Insurance Fraud Cases – The Doc’s is the Worst

Posted by GruntDoc on 23rd December 2007

Apologies to Kevin, MD, here’s another in the Doctors Gone Wild series:

Top Ten Insurance Fraud Cases – Fiscal Year 2007
Ira Klein, a former doctor from Houston, developed several schemes to defraud health insurers, including billing for services not rendered, unbundling pharmaceutical drugs and selling them at a substantial profit and up-coding. Klein was convicted in federal court on 44 counts of mail fraud and sentenced to serve 135 months in prison for his part in defrauding health insurers of more than $10 million dollars. Prior to his Texas court appearance, Klien was arrested in Florida for setting fire to a $3.2 million dollar house he purchased for his wife. Then while awaiting trial in a Texas jail, Klein attempted to execute a murder-for-hire plot against the federal prosecutor, FBI agent and wife number six. It was unfortunate for Klein who lost another $250,000 after the government forfeited the money he wired to pay for the murder-for-hire plot. Authorities also seized in excess of $10 million of Klein’s assets; those funds will be used to offset the court ordered restitution of $11 million dollars.

10 million? That’s a lot of procedures, and a lot of bills. I’m not surprised this got investigated.

Via Sleepless in Midland who had a more personal response.

Posted in Humorous, Medical | 2 Comments »

Erectile Dysfunction meds can make you hard…of hearing

Posted by GruntDoc on 19th October 2007

From Medscape today:

Erectile Dysfunction Drugs Linked to Risk for Hearing Loss

Publication LogoYael Waknine

October 19, 2007 — Sudden loss of hearing has been reported in patients taking phosphodiesterase 5 (PDE-5) inhibitors, the US Food and Drug Administration warned healthcare professionals yesterday.

In some cases, the sudden loss or decrease in hearing was accompanied by vestibular symptoms such as tinnitus, vertigo, and dizziness, according to an alert sent from MedWatch, the FDA’s safety information and adverse event reporting program.

The warning was based on 29 postmarketing cases that occurred in a strong temporal relationship to dosing with sildenafil (Viagra, Pfizer, Inc), tadalafil (Cialis, Lilly ICOS, LLC), and vardenafil (Levitra, Bayer Pharmaceuticals Corp), which were taken for the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Other cases were also reported during clinical trials…

Ladies, if your whispered sweet nothings are being ignored, speak up a bit.

Posted in Humorous, Medical | 6 Comments »