“Some Dude”: Public Health Menace

I work in an Emergency Department, and have noticed that there is one common denominator in the majority of the assaulted patients I treat: they were all assaulted by “Some Dude“. (Also, they were all assaulted for “…no reason…”, but that’s the topic of another rant). This is true no matter where I work, the time of day or day of the week.

“Some Dude” has in the last two weeks shot my patients, sucker-punched, struck with bottles, beaten them with fists and a golf club (or perhaps the entire set), and pushed my patients down stairs.

Additionally, “Some Dude” has ‘slipped drugs’ into the drinks of, transmitted sexual diseases to, and stolen the medications of my patients.

I have no idea how “Some Dude” is everywhere at once. I suspect he’s an evil superhero, though in the current times I cannot completely exclude an AlQuaeda conspiracy.

I advocate a vigorous police and public-health effort to locate and confine “Some Dude” due to the clear and present danger he represents to the health and welfare of our republic.