Best Chief Complaint of the Night

“I have a cold sore and I want you to take it off”.


  1. 7th shift in a row says:

    How about 911 call from homeless shelter this morning because “they kick you out at 8am and I can’t get up that early” ?

  2. Jada Sanders says:

    When I think too hard my throat hurts.

  3. I used to use that one on my mom when I had to read in front of the church. “when I read in front of the church my throat swells” Swear to God, I wasn’t lying.

  4. 8th shift in row says:

    feeling shaky after using methamphetamine

  5. So what type of press gainey score do you expect to receive from this encounter?

  6. Not very good.

    The patient’s parting words were “You’d better not send me a bill”.

    Because, you know, I render diagnoses and offer treatments for free, and I just happened to be awake and at work at 0230.

  7. People are amazing… and your parting words should have been:

    “promise me you’ll never come back and you’ve got a deal.”

  8. My p**** stinks so bad no one will sit next to me on the bus

  9. Did you mean to share that type of personal information with the group, flea? You know, there are antibiotics for that…

  10. Beary Potter says:

    It was good to see the “real” Gruntdoc on the TypeKey Profile Page! :-)

  11. “Those Hot packs you gave me last night for my back pain, I put them in my vagina and now I have a bad burn”

  12. 10th shift in 11 days says:

    Severe case of poison ivy after being told that you could “prophylax” against it by spitting on your skin then swatting it with poison oak branches

  13. At 3 am, “my feet itch”

  14. “The black handle from the potato bag, was hanging out the side of the cupboard door. I thought it was a “SNAKE” and now my chest hurts.”

  15. We received, by ambulance, one New Year’s Eve, a 26 year old man with URI symptoms for which he’d taken Nyquil. His chief complaint: He was feeling sleepy.

  16. Rob Spence says:

    I have end-stage fibromyalgia (Credit to Gabi, RN, at EMED-L)